Planetalia
by Phoenix of Starlight
Summary: Collaboration with Son-of-Beyond-and-Blood. The year is 3081 and humans now call different planets 'home' thanks to the invention of celestial plates. The planets - rather, the representatives - find themselves thrown into an insane predicament when said inventions suddenly shut down. Who's behind this sabotage, and who's trying to get to the planets? Shounen-ai.
1. Chapter 1

**Planetalia**

**Chapter 1**

_Backstory:_

_The year is 3,081. Since the twenty-first century, technology has advanced just a step. Cars can fly, but only for a certain period of time. The highlight of the world today is an invention made in 2095, made by Howard Jene-Ryes, known as the Celestial Plates. They are a very special invention, allowing people to teleport anywhere in the Solar System. Since their invention, people have begun to move to different planets, but those planets are the only things that seem to have been unchanged. And the representatives of the planets, those who are known simply as the 'planets,' have been provided "super" versions of the celestial plates. In 2102, Jene-Ryes died due to old age, but his invention lives on, hardly changed..._

* * *

It had all begun like every planetary meeting. The planets bickered, flirted, and ate all in the same room (of course, Ludwig, representative of Uranus, had made quick work of it).

It always makes one wonder how everything went wrong.

Just as everyone began to step on their correct celestial plates, a very loud _'zap'_ followed by an unreassuring hum of dead engine. Of course, this had never happened before so opinions on the correct protocal were thrown everywhere.  
"We should send Ludwig to go fix it!" Arthur, representative of Neptune, announced. His archenemy since the dawn of time, Francis, representative of Venus, protested and soon, the planets named after the Roman gods of the sea and beauty were fighting.

**"OH MY GOD I'M SO SCARED SOMEBODY HOLD ME THERE'S A GHOST AND IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIIIEEE!"** Alfred, representative of Mercury, ranted. He clung to the closest thing and that just so happened to be Kiku, representative of the ringed planet of Saturn.

Kiku let out a very embarassing yelp and pushed Alfred away from him, which resulted in Feliciano, representative of the planet Earth, becoming acquainted with the meeting room wall. The poor little planet let out a cry that was a mixture of pain and surrender.

Suddenly, Ludwig was next to the fallen planet, trying to get him up to his feet. Of course, Lovino, representative of Mars, being next to him didn't help at all. Uranus never got why Lovino was so mad at him. He always called him 'potato bastard' (which was completely absurd because nothing grew on his planet's surface) and many other very mature names.

"Hey! Get off of my brother, you no good, sideways, gassy, pervert!" the twin of Earth spat out. Ludwig scowled at the name, as it wasn't his fault for just so happening to be knocked on his side.

"Stop fighting," someone whispered but no one could hear him. The secretary for Earth, Matthew Williams, had been sitting next to his 'boss' for the entire meeting. Of course, as per usual, no one noticed him and not a word was sent his way. However, Halley's Comet had given him a flash of a small smile.

"That is enough!" Uranus finally shouted for the second time today. He continued to ramble on about how fighting never solved anything and if they would put some past issues behind them (like planetary placement), they would actually get some things done.

"Mercury and I will go to check what is wrong with the plates. The rest of you, stay put," the Uranian growled, staring straight at Feliciano. The representative of Earth smiled at him absent-mindedly and continued onto his newest "masterpiece", a bowl of his most favorite food in the world.

All right, all you Hetalians out there. Say it with me! The picture was a bowl of...

_PASTAAAAAAAAA~!_

All right, back to the story.

The well-built Uranian man snatched a long, sleek, black flashlight out of his briefcase (he always kept one in case of a power outage) and ambled out the door. A terrified Mercurian followed him.

As Arthur tried to invade the kitchen, Matthew started to whisper things to Lovino, and, Feliciano successfully getting to said kitchen before the Neptine, the two comets stayed in their seats.

"Are you all right?" the comet named Shoemaker-Levy 9* asked his younger brother. Halley's comet looked into his deep dark blue eyes and said the words that will begin our grand adventure.

"Something's wrong."

"What the hell?!" Ludwig said, shining his light into the room. The machinery room was usually brightly lit, baby blue and soft neon green lights pulsing. Instead of the comforting colors, it was pitch black. The two planets could not see within two feet even with the flashlights.

"Oh my God," Alfred whispered, clinging onto Ludwig. This could not be happening. It was like every other horror movie. The two of them would go into a dark room with only a flashlight and then Uranus would disappear, leaving the blonde alone. Then, when he least expected it, a ghost would pop out of nowhere and then drag him to his slow agonizing death. "**AHHHHHH!"** Alfred screamed, squishing the air out of the tilted planet.

Ludwig let out a startled and very manly scream as he gasped for air.

"Alfred, I can't breathe," he wheezed out, trying to pry the needy Mercurian's arms off of him. How the man possessed such incredible strength was beyond him.

**"IT'S GOING TO KILL ME OH MY GOD SOMEONE HELP ME THEY'RE GOING TO GET YOU FIRST AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO GET ME AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO RIP MY GUTS OUT AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO GO AFTER THE REST OF THE PLANETS I WON'T BE A HERO THAT'S NOT FAIR I DON'T WANNA DIIIEEE!"** Alfred screamed out. Ludwig dragged his palm across his face. This was the second time today. How were his lungs not dead yet?

"Alfred, nothing is going to get you. Relax. Gott...," Ludwig said and then muttered "dumkophe" under his breath. Everything was erased from his mind when he saw the wrench stuck in between the thin space between the plate computers. The engineer born Uranian picked it up and studied the damage.

The saboteur had broken the main frame computer. The giant man sighed. This would take weeks to fix, even with this year's most innovated techology. Their enemy knew what they were doing.

"No, not yet. You don't know if a person did this," Ludwig said, pocketing the wrench. He turned to Alfred and announced their retreat.

* * *

**A/N:** Hello readers! This is Phoenix of Starlight's faithful friend from Fanfiction,** Son-Of-Beyond-And-Blood!** This is my first collab fic and I hope to write more! Of course, I'll have to explain a few things before space dust hits the fan. She and I have been thinking about her writing this for a while but it was turned into a collab fic after me nagging her to write it. Of course, with Hetalia comes shounen-ai. We're still deciding but if you type hard enough, we might pick your OTP [however, USUK is set and final. Sorry if you came for FrUK, Asakiku, or anything else.]. Go nag on Phoenix to write the rest. Review for wurst!

**A/N:** And **Phoenix** here~ Just as SBB says, this is our collaboration fanfiction, Planetalia, which has been pending writing for a darn long time. ^^' This first chapter was written by her and edited by me, as she had come up with a plot while I was busy being half braindead and the half working on other stories. XD The next chapter will be by me, and I can almost promise that I won't screw it up. Haha~ And yes, also as she says, we will take pairing requests... but USUK is set and final. *nod nod* Review or be... uh... pasta'd to death? XD

*Yes, such a comet exists; look it up.

Oh, and for anyone who's wondering, Halley's Comet and Shoemaker-Levy 9 aren't actually characters from Hetalia, but SBB's beloved OCs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Planetalia**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

As Ludwig trudged back into the main room, Alfred dangling helplessly off of him, he announced what had happened to the system to the other planets. Lovino started cursing loudly, Arthur and Francis began to blame each other for the catastrophe, Kiku stared at the tilted planet - shocked by what he was hearing, Matthew looked to his boss, and Feliciano sat in a corner, nervously gobbling down a bowl of pasta.

There was only planet left who was smiling.

Ivan, representative of Jupiter. His planet was the largest, and easily the scariest. He was rumored to have more than sixty four secretaries - rather, moon representatives, among them Raivis Galante - representative of Io, Eduard von Bock - representative of Callisto, and Toris Lorinaitis - representative of Europa. He was rather intimidating, often using his size to bully around asteroids and comets such as the two who glanced between each other worriedly from across the table.

Just as there was only one planet not intimidated by the sabotauge of the celestial plates, one little 'planet' was brave enough to stand up to him.

Peter Kirkland, representative of the dwarf planet of Pluto.

"You know, if we would just assert ourselves more, we'd be able to scare people from ever messing with us," Ivan said, picking himself up from the table and starting to pace slowly. "Hmm... Perhaps we should blow up a few more asteroids?"

"We're not doing that," Ludwig sighed, "the fact of the matter is that we're stuck here in the center of the solar system, and we can't step outside for obvious-"

"We'd get burned~!" Feliciano wailed, hugging Kiku, who squealed and shoved away from the other planet.

"I'd contact the representative of the Sun, but...," Ludwig trailed off. "Well, he - er, she - hasn't been around lately." Who the tilted planet was referring to was Wang Yao, who represented the star in the center of their universe. "I would think that being trapped here together is quite romantic," said Francis, taking one of Feliciano's roses and inhaling the scent that wafted from it. "However, considering that poorly crafted blue beast with the clouds is with us..."

"Oh? Are you insulting my clouds now?" Arthur challenged. "I'll bet you're just jealous, you unsightly, orange pile of gravel."

"What did you just call me?!" Francis snarled. "You little gas freak!"

"Sulfur face!"

"Shadow of Uranus!"

"Everyone, shut up!" Ludwig shouted. "Venus, Neptune, stop fighting! This is a serious matter!" Arthur snorted, then stalked back to Alfred, who he wished was a gas giant like him, and not a terrestrial planet like Francis. Then again, he mused, they were all planets.

"I have a plan!"

The small voice was finally heard, and the planets turned to Peter, who had been trying to be heard for more than a few minutes. The small representative of Pluto was nothing to fear, and when you weren't something to fear in their world, you were something to ignore. But considering the circumstances, the eight planets and the comets in the room turned to the dwarf planet. Suprised to get all of the attention at once, Peter fell silent.

"Come on, little brat, spill it," Lovino pressed, sitting down beside his brother. "What is it?"

"I... uh...," Peter stuttered, stepping back. "Well, for... for starters..."

"He doesn't have anything, Mars, don't waste your time," Arthur sighed, placing his head in his hands as he leaned over the table. "Frankly, I'm wondering just how it is that the little guy got in here. I thought we disabled Pluto's plate the moment we decided against having dwarf planets give us their complaints."

"Do you think, perhaps...," Alfred started, before jabbing a finger at the dwarf planet. "Maybe he's the culprit?!"

"What? No!" Peter cried. "I would never! I'm a fellow planet - we don't hurt each other!"

"Ohohon~," Francis started, "as a matter of fact, dear Pluto, violence is a big part of being a planet. In fact, it's part of _love_ in general. And I'm afraid that you just landed a spot at the top of my punch list, _ohohohohon~."_

"Peter is above Arthur now?" Kiku whispered. "That is quite a big leap..."

"Why is it that you're never on anyone's punch list?" Arthur growled to the ringed planet. Kiku gave a small blush, and shrugged.

"It's because Saturn doesn't go around pestering people," Ludwig sighed. "Anyway, until the Sun gets back, we're stuck here. We'll send Wang Yao out to get help as soon as we see him - er, her. In the mean time, let's get along!"

"Yay~!" Feliciano cheered, before blushing as he realized that he was the only one doing so. "What? I'm just supporting Uranny!" The other planets gave a collective sigh.

This was going be a long wait.

* * *

Halley's Comet was sitting beside his brother, Shoemaker-Levy 9, waiting quietly for Feliciano to come out of the small kitchen with food for them. All of the other planet representatives had already been fed, because comets and asteroids were naturally last. They didn't mind; after all, Feliciano was quite nice about it.

Earth soon returned, and the two comets quietly thanked him as they took a plate of pasta each. "Eat up, now, it's the best food in the world~," Feliciano said, before walking over to Ludwig. Neither of the two comets missed the small touch that Ludwig delivered around the terrestrial planet's waist before he sat down.

Alfred sat at the table, Arthur to his right, and a disgruntled Francis to his left. He was feeling paranoid, like he was being watched, but it didn't take a star to figure out it was just Arthur. The blue planet was staring at him, in fact, a faint smile on his face, as if remembering a fond memory. It creeped the hell out of the terrestrial planet, but he decided against voicing so. He instead settled for thinking up how he would become the hero in this situation. It didn't seem likely.

Ivan and Lovino were sitting next to each other, caught up in the most awkward silence that had ever crossed two planets that were right next to each other normally. How Lovino loathed his moons for not being there when he needed them. Especially that Phobos. Lovino thought, 'Wasn't he being all nice and crap yesterday? Where the hell is he now?' And Ivan could care less about the three moons, Io, Europa and Callisto, who stood in the corner, nervously talking to each other. He was just glad that his self pronounced sister, Ganymede, hadn't been able to come along. If she was here, then Ivan himself would be scared.

Francis gazed longingly out the ceiling window, frowning when he noted that a solar flare was covering his view of the beautiful universe. He still didn't get why they had to have the damn meeting in the middle of their solar system. If the point was to make them not walk a huge distance, they should've all met up at Ivan's, or at the asteroid belt! And... they weren't walking anyway, so what was the bloody point to coming to the sun? They could just as well meet up on any damn planet! It wasn't that Francis didn't like the Sun or anything, it was just that he was always hot. All the time, his planet had a hot temperature. Day or night. It was exhausting. When was he ever going to get a break to cool off, anyway?

Ludwig twiddled his thumbs and groaned, immensely bored. Feliciano was talking his ear off as he ranted about Earth's history, and everywhere he tried to focus, all he could only come back to that annoying voice in his head. It wasn't at all that he found Feliciano annoying, it was just his voice. It wasn't even opinion. Earth was so unfortunate as to be born with a voice that had the same affect as nails against a blackboard. Finally, Ludwig had had enough. He put his hand up, silencing the terrestrial planet, before he said, softly, "How about some quiet time, Feli?"

"Oh, sure thing, Ludwig! I love to play the quiet game, but for some reason I always seem to lose. But I won't lose this time; I'm gonna do my best and you just see; I'll beat you! And then, I'll have finally won the quiet-"

"Feli," Ludwig pressed.

"Oh! Right, right, sorry!" Feliciano laughed, before quieting himself. Less than a minute later, he had started talking again.

All in all, the planets were getting along just fine, with the occasional bicker between Francis and Arthur. It seemed as though fear would always be the one to unite them. Either that, or Kiku's calmness rubbed off on them. Anyway, things were peaceful...

At least for now.

* * *

**-End Chapter**

* * *

A/N: Phoenix here! I wrote this chapter, and SBB edited, if you haven't already guessed. Now, the lack of reviews for the last chapter kind of irked me. We can do better here, right? Start reviewing, everyone! :D

A/N: Hey again guys. It's SBB... Well, I'll admit, I was kind of disappointed at the reviews for the last chapter. Well, not too much since the most reviews for one thing was two reviews. XD Well, please review and I hope I can entertain you in the third chapter. And do you people not like wurst or something? Well, then review for ONIGIRIS! [Rice balls]


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